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That Time I Quit a Job 5 Times

20th January 2016 by Suz No comments

Hindsight is always 20/20.

It’s AMAZING how, in the moment, something can feel like the worst, most horrible experience of your life and years later be looked at as such a silly thing to stress over.

I was set to graduate 6 months early which gave me a head start on the job search. A mentor of mine from Atlantic Records had offered me an opportunity to follow him to Astralwerks (EMI) and become the Midwest Sales Coordinator. 

Others warned me not to take the job. They said I had been doing school at full throttle and should use the 6 months to “find myself.” HA! Find myself. Figure out my “why.” How silly…

I had a JOB OFFER. Although it was before the crash of 2008, it was still insane at that time to turn down a job. What did it matter if sales was the last thing I wanted to do? Who cared about my happiness? NOT ME!

There were long days, nightly cries, and a slllleeewww of panic attacks and bouts of depression. It got to the point where I would spend nights dreaming about making copies of SoundScan reports only to be woken up by my alarm and realizing my day hadn’t even started.

 

The first time I tried quitting my boss asked why and I said it was just too much.

Psshh! What kind of reason was THAT?! Didn’t I want to “make it,” even if I didn’t know what that meant to me? Did I expect things to be easy? So I showed back up the next morning and put one foot in front of the other.

 

The second time I tried quitting my boss asked why and I think I said it was about money.

Psssh! What did I expect?! This was the music industry. Did I care about the music or did I care about the money? I was back at work the next day.

 

The third and forth times I quit I’m pretty sure I used money as the reason again.

Then my boss presented me with a raise. I didn’t even want the raise. But how did I turn that down? He went to bat for me. He believed in me. Who walks away from that?

I continued working there for a few more months until the pro’s were 110% overshadowed by the cons. It simply wasn’t what I was built for and I was burnt out. I had just turned 22 and I believed my life was over. My time in the music industry had come to an end and I would live a painful life as a miserable failure.

 

The fifth time I quit I wrote a letter to all supervisors explaining to them I was taking a job as a paralegal.

I figured there was no turning back from that. I’ll never forget the look on my boss’ face. I knew how badly I had let him down. It would be a few years before I would be able to let go of that guilt. In fact, I’ve never publicly admitted this but:

There was no paralegal job.

 

At least not at that time.

It would be another 5 months before I found a job as a paralegal. But I knew I didn’t trust myself to go through with leaving a job I convinced myself I didn’t deserve in the first place if I didn’t have an iron-clad way out. 

Now, at 31 years old, I often look back at that scared, lost 21 year old and think, “It was a freakin job! WTF took you so long?!” I laugh thinking about how life-threatening the situation felt.

It truly felt like everything I had done in my life up until that point was on the line. 

The thing is, the future is always a blur and we can easily spend hours, days, even years worrying about what’s around the riverbend. So, since I can’t go back and talk to my 21 year old self, let me talk to you:

Do what makes you happy.

Maybe it doesn’t mean quit your job, but maybe add more things into your daily routine that make you happy. 

Whatever it is, it’s important at the very least that you identify what it is that makes you happy. Even if it takes years to achieve it, know what it is. Check in with yourself. Listen to yourself. Don’t just put one foot in front of the other and ignore what your body is trying to tell you.

Be present. Be responsible for your future. Be happy.

Not sure how to do that? Email me, let’s talk it out!

Namaste.

 


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