Mother, may I?
Feeling stuck or unsure of where to go next in your career? Sometimes we are held back simply because we are waiting for permission to take the actions we already know we need to take.
You’re listening to Episode 31 of the Music-Preneur Mindset Podcast.
Hey there! You’re listening to Episode 31 – The Freedom in Permission.
I’m your host, Suz – a mindset coach to help music-preneurs build sustainable careers in music. I help them set clear goals and create time management systems that enable them to find greater happiness with a better work/life balance.
Part of that balance involves knowing when to take action, and when to take a step back. As you may have heard on our last episode, Stop the Sleep Shaming, it’s incredibly crucial to make sure you are operating on enough sleep in order to perform at your best.
Many times we keep going, even when something’s not working, in an effort to avoid being honest with ourselves about choosing the wrong path or needing to rest.
We carry so much shame around making mistakes and taking breaks that it ends up costing us more than helping us move forward.
When we hesitate or question our ability to choose our next steps 1 of 3 things happen:
#1: We become paralyzed with fear of failing that we do nothing instead;
#2: We fear having to admit we changed our minds about something or were wrong about the path we’re currently on so much so that we stay on that path rather than stop, regroup, and forge a better path;
Or #3: We know we’re on the right path but we need to slow down, and the fear of missing out or being beaten there by competition that doesn’t truly exist in our reality keeps us from taking a breather and we end up burning out.
Do any of those scenarios sound like you? Do all of them sound like you at one time or another? I know I’ve been in each of those spots more times than I care to admit.
And I get it – it’s 100% normal to fear change and talk yourself out of it. The future is unpredictable and we don’t like what we can’t anticipate, it’s survival instinct.
However, if you’re looking to overcome that fear in order to get where you want to go there’s one skill you need to learn to master sooner rather than later – the art of giving yourself permission.
All too often we convince ourselves to listen to the “experts” as if we’re not the best person to read ourselves and determine what it is we need at any given time.
Sure, there are times we get in our own way and need help figuring out what it is we want, but most times, if we’re honest with ourselves, we know what it is we need – again, it’s animal instinct.
All other animals know when they’re thirsty, when they need to hunt, when they need to rest, who they want to mate with, etc. That’s because they don’t overthink things like humans do.
We have become well-trained in overthinking situations, questioning our abilities, sizing ourselves up against this idea of competition, and judging ourselves so harshly that we fear what everyone will think about the next steps we take when in reality many can’t say worse worse things to us than what we’ve already said to ourselves.
We so badly want the answers and put pressure on ourselves to do everything “right,” that we forget we don’t need permission from others to take whatever next steps we choose.
When we give ourselves permission to do what we feel in our gut is the right thing to do we bring so much freedom into our lives.
Maybe it’s ingrained in us when we’re small – raise your hand before you speak, always say excuse me, ask to be excused from the dinner table, etc. But as we get older we must learn to give ourselves permission and stop looking elsewhere for it.
Permission to get started.
Permission to fail.
Permission to try again.
Permission to walk away.
Permission to start over.
Permission to abandon passions or relationships that no longer serve us.
Permission to quit.
Permission to pull back.
Permission to rest.
What if we just acted {whether taking action to move forward, change course, or hit pause} and then allow ourselves to learn from the results of those actions?
I’m not saying don’t prepare or do your homework before making a decision – it’s important to weigh the consequences, understand what this decision will/won’t do for you and what’s at stake – but preparation and paralysis are two different things.
We want to make sure we don’t hang out too long on the corner of Planningsville Road & Comfort Zone Avenue, focusing so much on analyzing our next steps that we never get around to actually taking them.
So how do we know when to give that permission?
How do we know when it’s time to listen to that nagging voice to do something about our situation vs. when to hold out & stay the course?
It’s important to be able to give ourselves permission in the small day-to-day choices we face, as it’s in those moments that we can easily get bogged down and overthink what’s in our best interest.
For instance, I had to actively work at giving myself permission to take some time off during the 4th of July holiday. I also regularly give myself permission to change up my plans for the day when what’s on paper is no longer working in my favor.
But what about when the stakes seem higher than what you have planned one day and when the choices don’t seem as clear?
Let’s play with some examples and see what life would look like if you gave yourself permission to take the action you wanted when the stakes were high rather than keep the status quo or do what you felt others wanted or expected you to do.
For example, what if you were an artist who’s entire life’s goal was to be signed to a particular label. You believed that that label was where your music belonged and that you wouldn’t find “real” success until you were on their roster.
And then, you met a few artists who had been signed to that label, and none of them had anything super positive to say about their time being signed there. Sure, chalk it up to disgruntled artists who had been dropped, but the allure of it all begins to shift.
In the meantime, you start taking some online courses and you realize you’re able to grow quite a following yourself. You create an engaged community for your fans and they start showing up for you in a big way: buying tickets to your shows, joining your Patreon, streaming and sharing your music – and you made all of that happen.
You then get approached by a rep from that label, due to all the noise your fans have been making about you online, and they want to discuss signing you.
All you’re focused on is that fact that something you worked at for so long is finally happening right!? You may even find it easy to ignore the fact that this opportunity didn’t make you feel as excited as you expected it to make you feel.
You may even begin to have doubts but ignore them because you tell yourself, “I’d be stupid to turn down something I’ve focused so hard on getting.”
Now you’re at a crossroads – you can grow your own team and keep the momentum you have going, maybe hire an assistant or social media manager to help grow your channels further, or you can sign with the label, even though you’ve heard some nightmare stories and you know you’re not feeling as jazzed about it as you expected.
What many in your position would do is not even think twice and sign with the label, because they know that to be the goal, making the decision pretty clear to them, and they may even feel the pressure by others who may not see them as “legitimate” until someone signs them.
So what do you do?
It’s like hearing stories of people who get divorced and they say looking back they knew on their wedding day it didn’t feel “right.” But, they didn’t feel they could turn back – everything had been paid for, the guests were seated – they didn’t feel as if they had a choice.
The truth is you always have a choice.
It’s not always an easy choice and it may have consequences that affect others in your life, but at the end of the day it’s you who determines the course of your life. It takes bravery, faith, and trust in your own voice to live fully on your terms.
Here’s another example, and I want you to think about what you would do in this situation.
A dear friend of mine runs a very successful business. It used to be under a different name and she had a team of employees, not to mention a growing client roster. Last year, things were booming.
She decided to invest in a rebrand to spruce up the look and feel of the company; she even threw a top-notch relaunch party – no expense was spared.
Only a few short months later she notified her community that she decided to close the business and start a new business under a new name.
Many of us were shocked. She had a ton of clients, a great team, and a beautiful new website. What was she thinking?!?
Turns out something had been nagging at her for a while and she continuously ignored it. She thought a rebrand would silence her doubts, but it didn’t.
Something just wasn’t aligning with the vision she had for her future.
The reactions posted on her social media said it all. “Thank you for being so f*cking brave.” So many fellow entrepreneurs applauded her for giving herself the permission to do what felt right.
She didn’t just give herself permission, she was giving all of us permission in that moment.
She fully admitted it was not an easy decision, and not without tears, stress, and sleepless nights. However, the minute she made it real she felt 110% at peace.
She’s still running a thriving business, but now it’s one she can stand behind and feel fully aligned.
And that’s what we all want, right?
It’s about more than setting and reaching goals. It’s about setting goals and staying present in the journey so we can make sure we sense when those goals are changing or shifting and change or shift our course as needed.
Remember when I quit my job 5 times? You can check out Episode 2 if you need a refresher. I was at a job I was miserable at, but too scared to take that step to stop showing up because it was a job I spent my whole college career working towards.
I was 21 years old and completely lost. I decided to attend a Learning Annex event, hosted by Russell Simmons one evening. Coincidentally, it was for his new book at the time – Do You.
I didn’t even have enough money to buy his book at the time, so I asked him to sign my notebook instead and he was gracious enough to do so. Obviously his reputation in the industry now has shifted, but back then he was the reason I was even interested in the business side of things.
During the Q&A, while everyone was trying to pitch to have him at their next event, I asked him about starting his company from his college dorm room. I was starting my first company with my college roommate at the time {more on that in Episode 3} and I couldn’t help but think how foolish I was to leave a job at a label to pursue a company
we created for our Senior Thesis project.
I asked him, “How did you know when to listen to the more experienced people around you and when to listen to yourself, someone who had very little experience in the industry.”
He told me to listen to what feels right at the time. Sometimes the people telling us what to do will be right, and other times we will know better what’s right for us. But all that matters is that we do what feels right at the time and then learn from whatever mistakes follow.
He said, “Make a decision. If it turns out to be the wrong call, learn something from it and then wake up tomorrow and make another decision. Tomorrow is always a new day to begin again.”
I think the greatest gift we can give ourselves is the permission to fail. The most important thing is that you learn to do your best at all times, no matter the circumstances, and learn from the outcomes.
Thinking back on my question to Russell, it’s not about who is more right – yourself or someone else – about the next steps you should take. It’s about what you believe to be the best thing at the time and then acting on that belief with confidence in your ability to learn something valuable either way.
If you’d like to give yourself permission to “do you” more often but you’re not sure where to begin or how to go about doing it, go to www.therockstaradvocate.com/ep31 and download the Freedom to ‘Do Me’ Worksheet.
Before we part ways today, I also wanted to let you know about a special event that’s coming up that I KNOW you’ll really enjoy and find value in – as it’s the event that sparked the start of this podcast – The Music-Preneur Mindset Summit.
It’s a 2.5 day event hosted this year in Long Beach, NY during the last weekend in September at one of their newest hot spots – Junction – with more than 20 respected industry professionals all focused on one goal – providing you with digestible information you can learn to apply that very weekend to your own career in a way that works for
you.
Imagine this podcast come to life on the beach! Each morning we’ll start the day with either a journaling or yoga exercise to get us in the proper mindset to make the most of the panels and workshops scheduled throughout the weekend and each evening we’ll end with live music performed by our very own attendees.
Can’t make it live? You can join us via live stream, catching all of the classes, panels, and workshops via a private FB group!
Head on over to the show notes page to find more details, purchase tickets and learn more about submitting to play live through ReverbNation. I can’t wait to see you there!
I hope you enjoyed what you learned today. You can access all current episodes using your preferred podcast app, including iTunes & Spotify, or by visiting www.therockstaradvocate.com/podcast.
If you’re looking to figure out your next steps, find time to balance everything on your plate, or learn how to give yourself permission, let’s talk!
As always, feel free to email me at any time: suz@therockstaradvocate.com.
Until next time, Rockstar! Have a wonderful week and I hope to see you back here next week so we can get grounded to get rising! Take care.
Key Highlights
- 3 things that happen when we don’t take action [01:07]
- What permission looks like [02:07]
- They type of permission to give ourselves [03:34]
- WWYD: Being signed to a label [05:18]
- WWYD: Starting a new business [07:33]
- My 1:1 with Russell Simmons [09:04]
- The beauty in failure [10:35]
- The Music-Preneur Mindset Summit [11:17]
Give yourself the permission you need to do what you’ve been waiting to do!
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Links/Rocksources
- Theme music brought to you by DC-based Indie/Pop band Sub-Radio
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- You can download a copy of the episode’s transcript here
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