#114 | Who Can You Turn to? | The Rock/Star Advocate

Suz is a mindset coach for music industry professionals looking to gain clarity on their goals & find a better work/life balance.

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#114 | Who Can You Turn to in Times of Need?

Hi, how can I help you?

Between your community of fans, your friends, your family, your peers, industry experts, and medical experts, you have a LOT of places to turn to for support. But how do you know where to turn to and when? Suz breaks it down.

Don’t be so quick to run to EVERYONE with your problems. Some people think it’s best to get as much feedback as possible on an issue in order to make an informed decision, but all that will do is overwhelm and confuse you.

You’re listening to Episode 114 of the Music-Preneur Mindset Podcast.

Hello! You’re listening to Episode 114: Who Can You Turn to in Times of Need?


I’m your host, Suz, a mindset + productivity coach helping music professionals get clear on their goals, priorities, and next steps all while decreasing overwhelm and avoiding burnout.

This episode is our FINAL episode of Season 4 AND the last episode of this podcast before it is rebranded next season to the Redefine the Hustle podcast. We’ll be back later this fall with brand new episodes under a new name and new look, however it’ll still be the same podcast, the one you’re subscribed to right now, so don’t worry, there’s nothing YOU have to do to stay with us other than continuing to tune in!


In the meantime, while we’re gone, we’d LOVE for you to tell us what you’ve loved most about our first 4 seasons by leaving a REVIEW on Apple Podcasts! That way we can get more eyes on this show just in time for its relaunch. Whaddya say? You in?!


I’ll be sending anyone who emails me a snapshot of their review a code to take 20% off ANY product from my shop, that includes the Rock/Star Life Planner. And the code won’t expire, which means you can even hold onto it and take 20% off the upcoming 2022 Planner when it goes on sale later this year!


All you have to do is go to tinyurl.com/reviewonapple, click on Open in iTunes, and choose Ratings & Reviews tab to leave your review. Screen shot instructions can be found in the show notes pages of this episode: www.therockstaradvocate.com/ep114.


If you’ve already left a review, on Apple Podcast or another platform, I thank you and feel free to send me the screenshot for your discount code! If you have any questions or have trouble leaving a review, email me at any time suz@therockstaradvocate.com and my team and I will be happy to help!


Speaking of help, how do we know who to turn to for help when we need it? How do we know when to ask our community for help, or when to keep it behind closed doors? How do we determine when it’s best to search for answers within ourselves vs. investing in the help of experts?


I thought I’d close out this chapter of the podcast by talking about something I see a LOT of people struggling with daily, including myself at times. Where do we find answers to some of our biggest questions?


I’m going to break this down into certain categories of help/scenarios of being in need of support, but I want to preface this all by saying ultimately you’ve got to go with your gut. I may suggest hiring an expert to help you in certain areas or going at it alone, but if that doesn’t feel like the best solution for you, trust your instincts. The worst that can happen is you may be wrong and you’ll still be searching for answers, but you’re likely to learn something even more valuable along the way as you hone your intuition.


Let’s first look at your role in your community. As a musicpreneur one of your main goals is building a community of fans/followers/like-minded folk who are down with your cause and the work you do, the content you create, the message you have to impact the world around you. When you need support in sharing the content you’ve given to them with others, you turn to them and ask them to do their part, right?


You may ask them to share a link, pre-save a single, repost your image, etc. You may even ask them to tune into your live stream, subscribe to your Patreon or email list, or buy merch from your store. When you’re in need of spreading and monetizing your message and your impact, your community is there and likely down to help, especially if they’re a super fan.

However, there are some instances you may not want to turn to them for help. I’ve shared a number of times here on this podcast and during my IG lives, a powerful phrase I came across during a conversation on Clubhouse, and my apologies for not knowing who said it: Share your scars, not your wounds.


Too often I’ve seen musicians or other entrepreneurs turn to their community for moral support or advice on how to get through a tough time. They may have felt a special connection to their audience and believed this was how to be transparent with them. However, turning to your followers for help with an issue that’s beyond “Hey, vote for the t-shirt design you like best!” can really chip away at the trust you’ve built with them.


Here’s what I mean:


When you create and build a community around your message and your intention, you are now the leader of that community. As a leader, it’s your responsibility to, you guessed it, lead. When you turn to them to pull you through something or support you through a tough time you’ve now put the burden on them to lead. It’s similar to when a parent stops acting like a parent and looks to the child to make the tough decisions.


I’m not likening your following to children, but they do look to you to set the tone and lead the way in the community you’ve built that they’ve decided to take part in as a member, not a leader.


When the person said “share your scars, not your wounds,” they were saying you can absolutely share and be transparent when you’ve experienced a struggle or had a difficult go at something, but share it AFTER you’ve found a solution or have started working through it by receiving help from one of the other groups I’ll mention later in this episode.


When you share your scars you’re being the relatable leader and not the needy member of your community. You’re being transparent from a place of value rather than from a place of needing.

Like I said, your community is there for you – they can help spread the word on your message, they can engage with your content and share their feedback, but clear lines need to be drawn in what they give and don’t give to you and what you need and don’t need from them.


Try to avoid hitting that “go live” button or typing into that caption area when you’re in the midst of something heavy. Asking your community to vote between two logo ideas is one thing, asking your community to help solve your marriage issues or help you decide if you should start taking medication for something is a muuuuuuch different story.


Which brings me to my next category of support – coaches and mentors. In Episode 27 I breakdown the differences between mentors, coaches, and peers within your industry. I now want to look at when to turn to mentors and coaches for support, and even peers, and what to be mindful of when receiving their advice/feedback.


First of all, a mentor can be a coach and vise versa, however for this discussion I refer to a mentor as someone who guides you through your journey in a less formal way, and not in a professional capacity – in other words you’re not paying them to coach you through situations. You may watch what they do and learn from it or they may help connect you with certain people or send resources your way, and you may even ask their advice on occasion, but they’re not on speed dial for every hurdle you come up against.


When you’re in need of support, this can be someone you go to for help, but be mindful of their time. Don’t abuse the relationship you have and consider taking them out to dinner or sending them a gift of gratitude when they’ve come through for you. In addition, pay it forward. They likely came on as your mentor because they know what it’s like and they know they appreciated having a mentor of their own. When you’re not going through a rough time and
have the capacity to do so, offer your mentorship to someone coming up behind you.


A coach, on the other hand, is someone you hire to help guide you and help you reach your goals faster by sidestepping a lot of the trial and error you may have experienced without them. However, keep in mind that a coach is not there to tell you what to do. If someone is constantly making your decisions for you and aiming to solve all of your problems with their say so, you may want to consider looking elsewhere.


A coach should be there to guide you, not do the work for you. Only YOU know what is best for you and a coach should be there to reflect back to you what you are going through and help you make sense of it all. They can offer feedback and suggest alternatives and even spell out all your options, but ultimately the call is yours to make.


A coach is also limited in the types of issues they can help you through. Certain coaches, like myself, may be trained in various areas outside of the industry in order to support your specific needs, however they are not there to diagnose you or treat you for any mental/emotional/ physical ailments. If you are struggling with something deeper than building your career, you’ll want to reach out to a doctor or trained professional to address these specific problems.

That brings me to the next group of support – therapists and doctors. Ultimately, your health comes first. If you feel something is off, if you believe something’s not right, don’t hold it in thinking it proves how hard you can hustle or how strong you can be to weather a storm.


No matter what you may have been told growing up, there is no shame in asking for help and physical ailments are not the only things that require medical attention. Just because you can’t see the wound doesn’t mean it isn’t real or it isn’t there. Your mental and emotional wellbeing is just as important, if not more so, than your physical wellbeing. In fact, if you’re not strong mentally/emotionally, it can cause physical pain and physical pain can take longer to heal and overcome if your mental/emotional state is not cared for properly.


What we do is HARD. Building a career from scratch is terribly taxing and being a musicpreneur can take a LOT out of you on all fronts. Just like you would hire a coach to get your career into shape or a trainer to get you into shape physically, having a therapist on call for when your mind and emotions need some TLC is just as crucial to your success and your longevity. After all, we’re all about sustainability here in this community, so let’s think about the long game here, not the quick fixes.


It’s not always easy to find a therapist you click with, sometimes you have to shop around. And there are different therapies available – it’s not all about laying down on a couch talking. There are those who focus on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Dialectical Behavior Therapy, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing Therapy (EMDR), Exposure Therapy, Interpersonal Therapy, Psychodynamic Psychotherapy… the list goes on and I’ve left a link to that list in the show notes.


Do your research. Ask around and get feedback from others who have found a therapist that works for them. You can also try Telehealth options and text with a therapist if you need one right there in the moment, however, I do recommend eventually finding one you can connect with more deeply to help you work through whatever you may need to work through.

For a full list of resources you can go to www.therockstaradvocate.com/ep114 and check the Links section.


Lastly, when you need help you do have your peers within the industry, as well as your friends and family. However, be aware of when you’re looking for advice and when you want someone to tell you what you want to hear. Know who your friends are and be honest with yourself – who’s going to give it to you straight? Who’s going to yes you to death, and who may be a bit toxic and use what you share against you in the future?


Don’t be so quick to run to EVERYONE with your problems. Some people think it’s best to get as much feedback as possible on an issue in order to make an informed decision, but all that will do is overwhelm and confuse you.


Select carefully your Board of Directors – a mixture of peers, friends and family who you can trust and go to when the stakes are high. Who gives good advice? Who will support you no matter what? Each have their benefits, so mix it up a bit.


Getting feedback from 3-5 people is much better than 7-10. And, as I said at the beginning of this episode, at the end of the day, it’s your voice that matters most. If you ultimately don’t agree with their advice, don’t take it. Even if they were right, you have to live your life and you’ll learn whatever lesson you were meant to learn.


Earlier this week I shared a post from my friends at Music Entrepreneur Club. It was a snapshot of a tweet from @ChrisAnokute that said, “Many artists and musicians should not be in the music “business.” You clearly do not have an understanding or emotional capacity for it. And that’s ok! Do it as a hobby and share it for free. It’s fine! I personally love to cook, but I’m not trying to open a restaurant.”


And I received a number of messages that said, “Is this about me? Are you trying to tell me something???” And I know Music Entrepreneur Club got their fair share of engagement from it haha it definitely hit a nerve.


I’ve decided to dive in deeper into this particular topic this coming Tuesday, August 10, at 8pm EST on my IG Live, but for now I will say this (and I’m sure I’ll dive further into it again in Season 5), if you took that personally, that’s on you. And it’s understandable why you would take it personally if you’re already doubting yourself on your journey, that’s natural.


However, I challenge you to look inside YOURSELF for help on this one. No one else can tell you what you’re capable of and I mean that 1000%. Some people might say, “Oh that’s because you’re too nice, I’ll tell someone like it is.” And I will STILL stand by the fact that even the most blunt, tell-it-like-it-is people can’t predict your ability to connect with other people. Your people may not be their people.


There are currently 7.9 BILLION people in the world. That’s 7.9 billion unique voices/talents/spirits/minds who can connect with countless others on their own experiences/views/offerings.

Only YOU can decide if you have what it takes to keep going. And I am a firm believer it comes down to perseverance, not talent, when we talk about who “stays” and who “goes.” There are no gatekeepers to this industry any longer. You are the only one who ultimately closes the gate on your own future in this industry and doing so, as they said in the post, does not mean you’ve failed – you determine if this is truly what you want or don’t want anymore.


I say all of this to say – live in the mess and learn how to listen to your body and mind. Let it tell you what it needs. And then decide where you can get those needs met – from your community? Your peers? Your mentor/coach? A medical professional? Or from within yourself.

I want to thank you so much for allowing this podcast to be what you may have needed at times, I’ve needed it, too. Most of these episodes stemmed from words I needed to hear myself and I’m so happy that they resonated with you as well.


I am looking forward to this new chapter as we move into the Redefine the Hustle podcast later this Fall. I hope you’ll still join us and in the meantime, be sure to leave a rating/review and let me know about it so I can send you your discount code!


All of the instructions and links for leaving a review can be found on the show notes page. Head on over to www.therockstaradvocate.com/ep114 and while you’re there check out some of the other links I’ve left for additional information on getting help and support when you need it.


Until next time, Rock/Star. Keep planning, keep learning, and I’ll see you back here in a few months in Season 5 so we can get grounded to get rising! Take care.

Key Highlights

  • How to win a 20% OFF discount code to use in our shop!
  • Why it’s important to know who to go to for help
  • When NOT to turn to your community for help
  • Mentor vs. Coach and what to look out for when getting help
  • The importance of mental health
  • Creating your Board of Directors
  • When to look inward and help yourself

Links/Rocksources

  • Theme music brought to you by DC-based Indie/Pop band Sub-Radio
  • More podcast episodes can be found here
  • You can download a copy of the episode’s transcript here
  • Wanna work together?? Schedule your call here
  • Learn more about how to join Rock/Star Slackers™
  • Read through this extensive list of various types of therapies available to you
  • Get help through telehealth counseling by finding a provider through BetterHelp
  • Need a therapist focused on specific issues such as trauma-informed, LGBTQ+ issues, serving the BIPOC/AAIP communities? Take a look at NAMI’s full directory here
  • CLICK HERE TO WIN 20% OFF COUPON FOR ANYTHING IN THE PRODUCTS STORE BY LEAVING A RATING/REVIEW ON APPLE PODCASTS!
    • Coupon is one-time use only, one per customer, the coupon does not expire
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    • See screen shots below for instructions and CLICK THIS LINK to begin!
      • Go to the link and then click the purple button ‘Listen on Apple Podcasts’
      • Once you’re on the podcast homepage, click the ‘Ratings & Reviews’ tab, next to ‘Details’
      • Once there, look down towards ‘Customer Reviews’ and click ‘Write a Review’
      • Once your rating/review is posted, grab a screenshot and email suz@therockstaradvocate.com
CLICK THE PURPLE BUTTON: LISTEN ON APPLE PODCASTS TO LEAVE A RATING/REVIEW!
CLICK ON THE RATINGS AND REVIEWS TAB
CLICK ON WRITE A REVIEW UNDER ‘CUSTOMER REVIEWS’

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